Love, Loss & Learning to Start Again: Introducing a New Cat After Grief
Rescue adoption stories are often shared once everything has settled and the “happy ending” has arrived. But the reality in between can involve grief, setbacks, behavioural struggles, decompression and an enormous amount of patience.
At Itty Bitty Kitty Tails, we often speak openly about the realities of rescue adoption, including the parts that are rarely shown publicly. Not every cat settles immediately. Not every introduction is straightforward. And grief, trauma and decompression can affect both humans and animals in ways people don’t always anticipate.
Samantha’s story is important because it reflects the reality many adopters quietly experience, but rarely talk about.
Based in Kent, Samantha and Steven previously lived in Dubai before relocating back to the UK. Alongside their cats, they also care for two rescue horses, and rescue and animal welfare has long been an important part of their lives. After originally adopting two bonded brothers through IBKT, an unexpected loss changed everything. What followed was a deeply emotional journey through grief, introducing a new rescue cat, navigating behavioural challenges and learning that rescue cat introductions rarely follow a perfect timeline.
In Short
Cats grieve too. After losing his brother Percy, Milo became clingier and wanted to be near Samantha and Steven all the time.
Introductions can take months. Milo and Pixie needed separate rooms, scent swapping, supervised meetings, mesh barriers and baby gates.
Behaviour problems can be caused by pain. Pixie needed all her teeth removed after ulcers and severe gingivitis. Once her pain was treated, her stress levels dropped noticeably.
Success doesn't always mean cuddles. For Milo and Pixie, it means living peacefully together.
Support doesn't stop at adoption. Samantha stayed in close contact with IBKT throughout.
From One Cat… To Two Bonded Brothers
Samantha and Steven originally came across IBKT through a mutual friend who knew they were looking to adopt a cat while living in a flat. Because many UK rescue centres are hesitant about indoor-only homes within apartments, they had initially assumed adoption would be difficult. That changed the moment Samantha saw Percy and Milo curled up together in a photograph sent over by their friend.
“One minute we were looking for one cat,” Samantha says, “and the next I was sent a photo of these two identical boys cuddled up together. That was it.”
The pair arrived in the UK from Dubai at around nine months old and immediately became central to everyday life. Percy and Milo were full siblings and deeply bonded, constantly sleeping beside one another, playing together and seeking each other out around the house. For Samantha, adopting a bonded pair quickly highlighted just how emotionally connected cats can be.
“There’s something really special about bonded cats,” she explains. “They always had each other for comfort, companionship and play. They were incredibly loving cats — both with each other and with us.”
The adoption process itself had also left a strong impression. Samantha recalls how thorough and reassuring the experience felt, particularly as first-time adopters navigating international rescue and relocation. But shortly after arriving home, the happiness and excitement surrounding the boys changed completely.
Losing Percy: How Grief Affects Cats Too
The loss of Percy was sudden, traumatic and deeply destabilising for the entire household. Samantha remembers bringing Milo home while Percy was rushed to the vets, only to then face the devastating reality of losing him shortly afterwards.
“They were our children,” she says. “Losing Percy was absolutely heartbreaking.”
But the grief was not limited to the humans in the house. Milo, who had rarely been separated from his brother, also appeared visibly affected by the loss. Samantha describes him becoming increasingly clingy, constantly wanting reassurance and proximity after Percy was gone.
“The boys were always together. They slept cuddled up constantly and were very rarely apart, so suddenly losing Percy meant Milo was on his own. You could see the sadness in him. He became much more attached to us afterwards and always wanted to be nearby.”
Looking back now, Samantha believes the household was collectively grieving — both human and feline. It was during this emotionally fragile period that the idea of adopting another cat entered the conversation.
“I don’t think we were fully ready emotionally,” she admits. “But I couldn’t bear the thought of Milo being alone.”
Because Milo had always been such an affectionate, gentle and social cat, Samantha convinced herself that introducing another companion would naturally help him heal. In her mind, the process felt straightforward.
“I genuinely thought this was all going to be a breeze,” she says now, laughing at the memory. “I thought they’d be cuddling within a heartbeat.”
Meeting Pixie
Pixie’s story, however, was very different. A tiny female cat rescued after being bullied outdoors, Pixie had been surviving alone before eventually being trapped, vetted and prepared for travel to the UK. Samantha had never intended to adopt a female cat, joking that she had always found female animals to be “a little sassier”, but something about Pixie immediately resonated with her.
“The moment I saw her, I just thought: ‘We need her.’”
At the time, Samantha assumed that Milo’s affectionate nature would make introductions relatively easy. Instead, the reality proved far more emotionally and behaviourally complicated than expected.
Almost immediately after arriving, Pixie made it clear that she was not entirely convinced by the idea of sharing her new home with another cat. Samantha and Steven quickly found themselves entering the exhausting world of cat introductions, behavioural management and environmental separation.
“The first few weeks were chaos. Absolute chaos,” Samantha says. “We tried everything. Every Google search, every YouTube video, every Jackson Galaxy recommendation, every introduction method imaginable.”
Separate rooms, scent swapping, supervised meetings, mesh barriers, baby gates, rotating spaces within the house — every commonly recommended introduction method was attempted. At times, daily life revolved entirely around managing doors, timing interactions and trying to prevent conflict escalating between the cats.
“There was hissing, swatting and fighting under doors. We were constantly rotating cats around the house trying to make things work safely.”
Because of the trauma of losing Percy, Samantha also became increasingly anxious about either cat getting hurt during the process. What she now recognises, however, is that both Milo and Pixie were carrying emotional baggage into the introductions. Milo was grieving the loss of his brother, while Pixie was arriving after surviving outdoors and experiencing bullying from other cats.
“These cats come with experiences we know nothing about,” she explains. “Pixie was naturally defensive and protective because of what she’d been through.”
Is It Behaviour, or Is It Pain?
As the months passed, Samantha slowly began to understand how deeply decompression, trauma and stress can shape rescue behaviour.
At one stage during the introductions, Pixie developed ulcers and severe gingivitis, eventually requiring all of her teeth to be removed. Once the underlying pain and discomfort had been addressed, Samantha noticed a significant shift in Pixie’s behaviour and overall stress levels.
“It taught me that behavioural struggles are not always purely behavioural,” she explains. “Sometimes there’s pain, fear, trauma or stress sitting underneath it.”
The experience completely changed how Samantha viewed decompression in rescue cats. While Percy and Milo had arrived together as bonded siblings who had already experienced foster care, Pixie’s transition into domestic life looked entirely different.
“The boys arrived together already bonded and had experienced foster care beforehand. Pixie came alone after surviving outside and being bullied. Those experiences matter.”
Samantha now believes one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding rescue cat introductions is the expectation that online advice alone can solve every situation.
“The internet isn’t introducing your cats,” she says. “Your cats are.”
Every rescue animal carries different experiences, personalities and emotional triggers into a new environment. What works for one household may not work for another, and successful integration often requires far more time and emotional patience than adopters initially expect.
Patience, Perseverance & Support
Over time, patience became the foundation of the entire process.
“I wouldn’t even say we followed one perfect routine because by that stage we had tried so many different approaches,” Samantha explains. “It became more about consistency, observation and perseverance.”
There was constant scent swapping, supervised interaction, reassurance and gradual exposure between the cats. But perhaps most importantly, there was a shared commitment not to give up.
“For us, once we had committed to Pixie, that was it. Even if it meant permanently separating parts of the house, we were prepared to make it work.”
Throughout the introductions and behavioural challenges, Samantha remained in close contact with IBKT founder Mia, who provided ongoing support, reassurance and guidance throughout the process.
“She listened to me vent endlessly, offered advice, talked through ideas and genuinely cared about how all of us were coping,” Samantha says. “That’s one thing I really value about IBKT. The support doesn’t stop once the adoption is completed.”
What Does a Successful Cat Introduction Look Like?
Eventually, progress began to happen slowly and organically. There was no dramatic turning point or overnight transformation, but over time Milo and Pixie began learning how to coexist peacefully within the same environment.
Today, they comfortably share space, sleep near one another and spend time together around the home. Samantha jokingly describes their current relationship as “the sniff, kiss, slap phase”.
“Pixie will sniff Milo, kiss him on the face and then sometimes smack him afterwards just to remind him she’s still in charge,” she laughs.
But for Samantha, the experience has fundamentally changed her definition of a successful introduction.
“Sometimes success doesn’t look like two cats cuddling constantly,” she says. “Sometimes success is peaceful coexistence.”
And after everything the household experienced together — grief, trauma, introductions, setbacks and healing — that peaceful coexistence now feels incredibly meaningful.
Advice for Adopters Struggling With Introductions
For anyone currently struggling with rescue cat introductions, Samantha’s biggest message is simple: you are not failing.
“Cat introductions can be genuinely overwhelming and emotionally draining,” she says. “Follow guidance online, absolutely — but also learn your individual cats.”
She encourages adopters to pay attention to behaviour, emotional triggers and what genuinely helps their cats feel safe, rather than comparing themselves to unrealistic timelines or “perfect” online success stories.
Despite the heartbreak, setbacks and emotional exhaustion, Samantha says she would still do it all again.
“Obviously I would change losing Percy because that heartbreak never leaves you,” she says. “But through all of it, we’ve ended up with a very happy Milo, a very happy Pixie and another rescue cat who got the chance of a safe home.”
“And that matters.”
“Sometimes success doesn’t look like two cats cuddling constantly. Sometimes success is peaceful coexistence.”
Introducing a New Cat After a Loss: Frequently Asked Questions
Do cats grieve when they lose a companion?
Many cats show changes after losing a companion. After Percy died, his brother Milo became clingier, wanted reassurance and stayed close to Samantha and Steven. Steady routines and extra attention can help.
Should you get a new cat straight after losing one?
There's no right timing. Looking back, Samantha says she wasn't fully ready emotionally. Think about whether you and your cat are ready, and expect introductions to take time.
Can pain cause aggression in cats?
Yes, pain can be part of it. Pixie had ulcers and severe gingivitis, and once that was treated her stress levels dropped noticeably. If a cat's behaviour changes, check with your vet.
What does a successful cat introduction look like?
It doesn't always mean two cats cuddling. Milo and Pixie share space, sleep near each other and spend time together. Samantha calls it peaceful coexistence.
What support does IBKT give after adoption?
Every IBKT cat has lifetime follow-up and a UK safety net. Adopters can contact IBKT at any stage, including during difficult introductions.
Thinking about adopting a rescue cat?
Explore more real rescue stories, guidance and adoption support via the IBKT blog.
Read how we rehome: ittybittykittytails.com/adoption-process
About Itty Bitty Kitty Tails
Itty Bitty Kitty Tails (IBKT) is a UK non-profit, registered in England and Wales, that has been rehoming rescued cats from the UAE since 2015. We've rehomed more than 500 cats with a 97% success rate, and every cat has lifetime follow-up and a UK safety net. Rescue built on trust.
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